It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
