My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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