it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize