He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
