it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish i was in the wii world.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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