just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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