I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
