i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
