we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
