I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
