1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize