It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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