bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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