We named our party play list daddy issues
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
