Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
