Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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