I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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