I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
