$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
