Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
