Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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