She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
