Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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