Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
