Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
