so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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