aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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