do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His hands were made for my vagina.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
