I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
