But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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