that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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