went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
