Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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