dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont even know how to be here
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
