he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
