Can Purell be used as lube?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
