I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
