New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Barsexuality is the new black.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
