when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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