In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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