In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
