4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
