He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
