I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
