oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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