recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
