Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Im part way to drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize