It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
