I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
