We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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