you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
