i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
