he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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