Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
