i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
