whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
