I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
