Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We got so high we made milksteak
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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