i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
