Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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