Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry jrosenroser hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.

Fav 3 1749 807
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.

Fav 15 3447 876
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(650): View more from California

I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

Fav 46 9833 2409
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.

Fav 13 1495 2884
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.

Fav 10 3861 1468
share tweet
(760): View more from California

I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.

Fav 9 4443 1179
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(740): View more from Ohio

Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday

Fav 5 2042 934
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(323): View more from California

The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"

Fav 1 870 423
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(702): View more from Nevada

Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?

Fav 0 140 12
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT