Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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