Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
