Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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